its no sin, trade it in

man oh man, christ, i sure fell off this game, ay?
i am sorry


so, here i am. sitting home at 1am saturday night mildly drunk and more mildly stoned and listening to the little river band. sure are a lot of things i could muse about that statement, but i'll let it lie.

i thought i could do this and have something to say here but i was stricken by mind-numbing anxiety and can not continue.

let me post a few snaps and ruminate for a while about how i can write here on a more regular basis. considering i just tried to write the word "baby" for "basis," i'd say there's a lot more to this issue than meets the eye.













so, see, i'm alive and i'm kinda doing things and school will be over soon and then i just have to take my exam and then life will be better. life will be better. life will be better. life will be better. i wish for the same thing every time i puff my eyelashes off my fingertips out into that world, and clearly one of these days that wish is going to have to manifest. there's just no other option.

and ain't that sweet eyed blindness good to me

forgot allllll about this one





off to eat lunch with my mom and dad and celebrate my superior test taking skills.

let's all try to whistle while we work until everything turns green and balmy.
xx.

ain't about how fast i get there

hello folks.
i am writing because today i have been twenty-eight for one month.

i wish i had more to report on. i have plenty to say, i'm sure, but my brain is just scrambled. so many things are going on and so many things are not going on, know what i mean?

i hug you guys and please hug me.
xx

though i never knew you at all

i shouldn't have to twist my arms to do this. things should flow, things should be coming to me. not sure where i've gone and NO IDEA where i am going. sob sob totally normal late-twenties middle class baby coming to terms with the actual real world notatallcrisis.

i'm buried under stress and other people are straight buried. in the earth, in the earth ground vials who knows where people go. people kiss dead people. did you know that? i remember when my grandma was in that casket and my aunt bending over and kissing her on the forehead. i wish i could kiss my grandma on the forehead now. i finally understand kissing the forehead of a dead person.

you know when you shuffle cards and then push them back in line? i'm trying to push myself back in line. i maybe need to come to terms with realizing that this may not happen for some time. its a force it vs. go with the flow situation and i feel(hear) the ticking of the clock (i'm lying here the room's pitch dark).

i'm going now. you should all know that i am okay. that if i need your help i will ask for your help. i do miss myself. i miss my real self and i feel lost. i feel lost but i haven't lost faith that i will be found.

from who you are into what you're gonna be

listen, i am sorry but this is really all i could come up with unless you want a multi-paragraphed rant about why god keeps dealing me bad hands.

believe there is someone who loves you - no matter what

now that i am reunited with my music (all fourteen some-odd thousand songs) i am rediscovering songs i just love love love from the ground to the sky. what follows is one such song. i hope you can absorb a piece of this love, a piece of these tangible good vibes. i'm sending them out to all my friends, near and far, and saying 'sheesh, i can't wait for the great and greater things that are going to happen to us!' and with valentine's day rapidly approaching, i want to make sure i tell all of you, my friends, how much i love and appreciate you. bless your warm warm hearts.




xo!


(got back 7 rolls of film from the summer today and they are making my warm heart even warmer! i can't wait to show you how much sand we layed in and how much sunshine was soaked.)

and leave behind the trail imploring us all not to fail

hello all. and happy new year. happy new year one month late. sometimes you just don't have the energy for these things!

truth, i don't really even have the energy now, but its february, and i'm skipping my psych class because i had a anxiety attack last night and didn't sleep at all and then i couldn't dress myself and now i am sitting here in an oversized sweater thinking about disco music and feeling quite loserly. let's try some songs. let's just try a few songs, shall we?
















that last one is really for the song, but fred astaire dancing doesn't hurt either.


anyways, those are those. i'm working on my valentine's party which is in like 8 days. mostly music stuff though i need to start focusing on food and decorations really soon. plus my outfit. i already know what is happening with my hair and WATCH OUT. its going to be so good.

i maybe have more to say now but i am just going to post this and hope i find the motivation to post again soon. with pictures! with power! with potential!

xx,
bb