christ you know it ain't easy

i could talk about things being a drag or i could talk about things being great. every coin has two sides, and some such other philosophy truth drivel.

listen, tomorrow i have JURY DUTY.
i basically flew to albany today on the wings of one, loretta-louise (you're a fucking champion) and now there are crickets and blackness and little snotty kids riding dirt bikes and other shit that reminds us all that sometimes you flip a heads and sometimes you come up with tails. and with that cue my computers brain immediately turned on the blossom theme song*. thanks!

anyways, back to bidness: JURY DUTY. i decided tonight i am going to write a book about my dating life (or lack thereof) called JURY DUTY. thoughts? is this thing on?

i've been listening to ke$ha** for like 24 hours straight and, much like the rest of my life, its become a joke that only i understand.

in continuation with this theme, i am going to dress in themed outfits for each day i have to go to JURY DUTY. tomorrow i decided to go with some version of an outfit that would be worn in the 1965 film 'beach blanket bingo' peg leg skinnies, a boaty solid colored top, but the real piece de resistance will be my hairstyle. you see, faithful readers, at a recent trip to my stylist, i, on a whim, acquired some bangs. bangs! me! can you imagine!*** so the HAIR for tomorrow will be STUPID. oh, but as if i've thrown a quarter in the air and its coming down tails side up, I FORGOT TO BRING ANY CLOTHES OTHER THAN DIRTY LAUNDRY. because i am an adult, didn't you know? so i have to make this dainty sprite gem outfit out of towels and underwear. orrrrr i could raid my high school closet. you will find out in due time which one of these fates prevails.

so only time and towels will tell where your fearless heroine will go next in her life. straight into the jaws of rich children, i'm sure. golden teeth will be my sad, but glamorous, end.

until next time...


*


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its no sin, trade it in

man oh man, christ, i sure fell off this game, ay?
i am sorry


so, here i am. sitting home at 1am saturday night mildly drunk and more mildly stoned and listening to the little river band. sure are a lot of things i could muse about that statement, but i'll let it lie.

i thought i could do this and have something to say here but i was stricken by mind-numbing anxiety and can not continue.

let me post a few snaps and ruminate for a while about how i can write here on a more regular basis. considering i just tried to write the word "baby" for "basis," i'd say there's a lot more to this issue than meets the eye.













so, see, i'm alive and i'm kinda doing things and school will be over soon and then i just have to take my exam and then life will be better. life will be better. life will be better. life will be better. i wish for the same thing every time i puff my eyelashes off my fingertips out into that world, and clearly one of these days that wish is going to have to manifest. there's just no other option.

and ain't that sweet eyed blindness good to me

forgot allllll about this one





off to eat lunch with my mom and dad and celebrate my superior test taking skills.

let's all try to whistle while we work until everything turns green and balmy.
xx.

ain't about how fast i get there

hello folks.
i am writing because today i have been twenty-eight for one month.

i wish i had more to report on. i have plenty to say, i'm sure, but my brain is just scrambled. so many things are going on and so many things are not going on, know what i mean?

i hug you guys and please hug me.
xx

though i never knew you at all

i shouldn't have to twist my arms to do this. things should flow, things should be coming to me. not sure where i've gone and NO IDEA where i am going. sob sob totally normal late-twenties middle class baby coming to terms with the actual real world notatallcrisis.

i'm buried under stress and other people are straight buried. in the earth, in the earth ground vials who knows where people go. people kiss dead people. did you know that? i remember when my grandma was in that casket and my aunt bending over and kissing her on the forehead. i wish i could kiss my grandma on the forehead now. i finally understand kissing the forehead of a dead person.

you know when you shuffle cards and then push them back in line? i'm trying to push myself back in line. i maybe need to come to terms with realizing that this may not happen for some time. its a force it vs. go with the flow situation and i feel(hear) the ticking of the clock (i'm lying here the room's pitch dark).

i'm going now. you should all know that i am okay. that if i need your help i will ask for your help. i do miss myself. i miss my real self and i feel lost. i feel lost but i haven't lost faith that i will be found.

from who you are into what you're gonna be

listen, i am sorry but this is really all i could come up with unless you want a multi-paragraphed rant about why god keeps dealing me bad hands.

believe there is someone who loves you - no matter what

now that i am reunited with my music (all fourteen some-odd thousand songs) i am rediscovering songs i just love love love from the ground to the sky. what follows is one such song. i hope you can absorb a piece of this love, a piece of these tangible good vibes. i'm sending them out to all my friends, near and far, and saying 'sheesh, i can't wait for the great and greater things that are going to happen to us!' and with valentine's day rapidly approaching, i want to make sure i tell all of you, my friends, how much i love and appreciate you. bless your warm warm hearts.




xo!


(got back 7 rolls of film from the summer today and they are making my warm heart even warmer! i can't wait to show you how much sand we layed in and how much sunshine was soaked.)