though i never knew you at all

i shouldn't have to twist my arms to do this. things should flow, things should be coming to me. not sure where i've gone and NO IDEA where i am going. sob sob totally normal late-twenties middle class baby coming to terms with the actual real world notatallcrisis.

i'm buried under stress and other people are straight buried. in the earth, in the earth ground vials who knows where people go. people kiss dead people. did you know that? i remember when my grandma was in that casket and my aunt bending over and kissing her on the forehead. i wish i could kiss my grandma on the forehead now. i finally understand kissing the forehead of a dead person.

you know when you shuffle cards and then push them back in line? i'm trying to push myself back in line. i maybe need to come to terms with realizing that this may not happen for some time. its a force it vs. go with the flow situation and i feel(hear) the ticking of the clock (i'm lying here the room's pitch dark).

i'm going now. you should all know that i am okay. that if i need your help i will ask for your help. i do miss myself. i miss my real self and i feel lost. i feel lost but i haven't lost faith that i will be found.

from who you are into what you're gonna be

listen, i am sorry but this is really all i could come up with unless you want a multi-paragraphed rant about why god keeps dealing me bad hands.

believe there is someone who loves you - no matter what

now that i am reunited with my music (all fourteen some-odd thousand songs) i am rediscovering songs i just love love love from the ground to the sky. what follows is one such song. i hope you can absorb a piece of this love, a piece of these tangible good vibes. i'm sending them out to all my friends, near and far, and saying 'sheesh, i can't wait for the great and greater things that are going to happen to us!' and with valentine's day rapidly approaching, i want to make sure i tell all of you, my friends, how much i love and appreciate you. bless your warm warm hearts.




xo!


(got back 7 rolls of film from the summer today and they are making my warm heart even warmer! i can't wait to show you how much sand we layed in and how much sunshine was soaked.)

and leave behind the trail imploring us all not to fail

hello all. and happy new year. happy new year one month late. sometimes you just don't have the energy for these things!

truth, i don't really even have the energy now, but its february, and i'm skipping my psych class because i had a anxiety attack last night and didn't sleep at all and then i couldn't dress myself and now i am sitting here in an oversized sweater thinking about disco music and feeling quite loserly. let's try some songs. let's just try a few songs, shall we?
















that last one is really for the song, but fred astaire dancing doesn't hurt either.


anyways, those are those. i'm working on my valentine's party which is in like 8 days. mostly music stuff though i need to start focusing on food and decorations really soon. plus my outfit. i already know what is happening with my hair and WATCH OUT. its going to be so good.

i maybe have more to say now but i am just going to post this and hope i find the motivation to post again soon. with pictures! with power! with potential!

xx,
bb

tingling right from my head to my toes

living a long time looking on and on

here's a smattering of songs that are pleasing me lately:





















and here i go slipping through this week, surely assisted by nibbles of xanax and sheer luck, slipping right into a free freezing winter water wonderland.

and went looking for another light

i've paused undressed (which (you're welcome) you may view here: http://www.undressedtv.com/) to make good on my promise and show you some blue sky blues to cure your grey sky woes.













i love wearing a big scarf as much as the next girl but right about now i miss being BROWN. sitting in that car singing taylor swift sunshining on my forearms and that one patch of thigh the big open world just breezy all around and every single thing is the best possible song. it'll be back soon enough, is what i tell myself to bear the boots and socks and slacks and such. and until then life will just continue to stack on itself in the most clever ways. sometimes it'll catch me, jostle me, out of daydreams; tug me by the elbow and say "but just look at whats happened here" and what can you do except make that cute surprised face and laugh at the waywardness of it all.

and that's quite literally all i've got.
i've moved on to huck finn (whatta rascal) and i'm about ready to read that in my perfection of a bed. i'll see you see you see you soon.