only in the echoes of my mind

a few snaps from today when the light was like a message from heaven:













today was slow moving and strange. last night someone from the nearby job corps (i guess this is like a place where people on their last leg go to learn a trade so they can live a "normal" life) who i guess decided to leave the program somehow found my house and was banging on my door asking to come in and actually trying to open my door. it was probably the most scared i have ever been in my life. i was paralyzed with fear! my knees were actually knocking, no joke. anyways, i called 911, and the person eventually went away. the cops came and canvased the area. job corps said the awol person was a 20 year old white male wearing a red t-shirt who was drunk. yuck! i didn't see him and i equate this to the time we had a rat in our apartment but i never acutally SAW it, but knew it was there because we could hear it every night. had i seen this person i think i would have DIED from fear. i didn't think i would be so scared! the part that makes it maybe more scary is that my dad told me about these people from job corps and made it into this scary thing, and then it actually happened! ugh! i keep hearing his scary panicked loud mean voice saying "let me in, open the door, if you open the door you'll see i'm only a kid!" oh christ.

anyways, i had a hard time falling asleep. the mean voice kept playing in my head. just knowing he could be right on the other side of a thin door. i slept until maybe noon, my dad was already here putting blinds in every window. i hope this doesn't stick. i am going to try my best not to be scared. living in fear is horrible. i tried out a new outfit and took it for a spin at the grocery store where thanksgiving is in full swing! managed to spend 90 dollars (life is expensive!), came back and took a few snaps of the glory light, made myself a dinner. made myself a snack. another snack. snack. more snacks. tea. water. i just keep feeling like people are watching me! and not in the funny-brooklyn-nosey-peeper sort of way, this is more like a scary-woods dweller-i could kill you-watch out type of thing.

okay enough of this. i'm fine. i'll be fine.
tomorrow is a new (and cold!) day.
love love,
BB