when people understand what i mean, there will be days like this

look at my funny line!



i had the perfect vision of my future life last night. i would love to write everything here but some things (if you can believe it) are just too private for the internet. i am downloading music and thining out the stigmas and myths that surround states and cities and small towns. i want to live in every significant place all at once. feel every significant thing all at once. and listen to every substantial song in my life all at once in the same magic place. it would sound like a dad music cacophony. take that life!

the feelings gone and i just can't get it back

wow it has been far too long my fine fine invisible friends.
i am home and tomorrow it will be two weeks. 14 long and short days of who knows what.
for a while my head was filled with water and fluff and it seemed like my whole trip had turned to smoke and poofed out of my ears as soon as i pulled into this driveway. the other night i awoke in the middle of the night and started crying out of pride. has that ever happened to you? it finally fell on me like the entire weight of my car or all those stupid clothes i bought. bam bam you did something very important do you remember? can you remember? i am trying to remember.

so now, i will do my very best (scouts honor and things like that) to recount my steps for some sort of catharsis. does this make sense? i will listen to jim croce and van morrison and maybe even jackson browne and i will write out things that my brain has hopefully only buried and not actually spit out.

there are many things i want to do. but unfortunately i dont have any strong feelings pulling me more in one direction than another. i have a feeling this life i am leading currently will seem boring, but the problem is, i do not know when, and can not anticipate it happening any time soon. this scares me! do i want to live in a house that overlooks my dad's house forever? christ no. and i wont. i know i will not. but i have no plan. for the first time in my life i have no plan. this also scares me. i can only hope, that from this experience of almost near hermitism i will gain a much stronger sense of self, and some bit of comfort in and with being alone.

there is a lot more to say but nothing else is clear to me now.
i will try to be frequent and accountable.
thank you.

its just a brief interruption of the swirling dust sparkle jet stream

well hello! i am in cleveland!(ohio= buckeye state) excuse me for my delay, i was in michigan (the great lakes state) with my old pal kaitlin freewind and i was away from the internet for quite some time. i met kait near holland, michigan on a beach on lake michigan and sunned for a bit and then headed about an hour north to grand rapids. or gd rapids if you're a local. we ate like kings and went out a lot and saw all the sights and ate at all the places. on monday we drove up to the sleeping bear dunes national lakeshore to camp for a night. man, that place is beautiful! lake michigan is so clean up there and just clear clear clear, and blue like you would not believe! we cooked on an open fire and even made a friend who i later told to leave the country after he tried to tell me the us was building concentration camps underground all over to use on the rebels. gross! get outta here you loonie! i am all about the positivity. america has its faults, sure. but man, do you know what this place looks like!?

driving today from grand rapids to cleveland (a place that looks a lot better than i had expected) there were so many scenes rolling around in my head. those stars in marfa, the moon on the glacial lake, all those bugs on the car in idaho, swimming in lake and ocean and lake after lake, all the colors of yellowstone, all the wildlife and wilderness and just everything. this place is so good. i am going home tomorrow. i cannot believe it. i expect to cry for days and days but i already have something to look forward to! metznerfest! on the 23rd! i invited jillian and i think she might come! i am going to drive 8 hours tomorrow clear across the entire state of new york. my state. my home state with such a nice shape. they mostly look like rectangles, but oh new york, you have a shape! i might sleep for days and days. wake up, cry, sleep, cry, sleep. laundry. wash my whole life. scrub my entire body. how is it over already?! i am not ready to stand still!

i have been toying around with so many ideas of what to do next. i won't write them here just yet, they need to stew a bit longer in the ol noggin.

i need to get cleaned up and go to sleep already! me and kait had a long night of chatting and woke up around 7:30. i probably slept 4 hours and then drove almost 5 here to cleveland to go to that godforsaken hall of fame which was AWFUL! i mean, a recreation of sun studios?! i was just IN memphis for christs sake! and no i do not need to pay 20 dollars to see a car that elvis gave to his chauffer and then be lead directly into the giftshop run by fye. yuck.

see y'all later, i'll try to keep some updates and reflections so the dream can live on, you know?

much love,
B

we all got wheels to take ourselves away

so we lived. victory! victory over memphis tennessee!
i can now say i visited six states in 3 days:
illinois: land of lincoln
Missouri: the shoe-me state!
kentucky: bluegrass state!
tennessee: the volunteer state
mississippi: magnolia state!
arkansas: the natural state!

wowwwww!

memphis was scary but graceland ws like heaven on earth. that elvis aaron presley, man oh man, what a guy! i even cried at this grave, which is more than i can say for that kurt cobain bench in seattle. take that nirvana! back in st lou today, visited the famed anheuser busch brewery and sampled my beer. finally! the click click click of those bottles whirring around on those belts was true music to my ears! let's live inside there! it also smelled so good. when i finish uploading about 200 pictures i am going to meet amanda at the gateway arch and go straight to the top of it!

i am very excited to press on, although the traffic around chicago is already scaring me. michigan feels far away even though i will be there in 2 days (maybe even less than that) and i just want to squeeze my friend so hard. kaitlin has been planning all sorts of adventures for us in the north land and i am excited for all of it and also to have a bit of extra daylight. i need to take a picture of the map that i show my route on, you may be interested in seeing it! the line has gotten really interesting these days.

i have visited 34 states and traveled over 14,000 miles. can someone be happier for me than i am for myself?! what an adventure! still debating whether or not to drive my car into my old homeland, brooklyn new york. yikes! not sure i'm ready for that yet. especially considering how hypnotized i was driving over the golden gate, imagine the holland tunnel! add that to parallel parking and moving my car every night and it all equals a big sad face. maybe with a comma for a tear.

okay i'm at 97%, i better go. adios amigos! xoxo!

did i miss the skyscrapers? did i miss the long freeway?

well this is going to be a very quick one. i am in memphis with amanda, currently, and it is, i guess, a very scary place. not sure on the statistics of the whole thing, but we were tenting at this rv park and pitched the tent and then headed downtown for grub and bars and whatnot. we get to the bar that used to be a church, then a drugstore, then a brothel, and find out we are staying in the most dangerous neighborhood in memphis, IN A TENT. so needless to say, we are not there now. we started searching for hotels we could afford, and luckily the bar staff were incredibly helpful and so so nice. found a super 8 that seemed close enough and had to go to dennys to get a discount coupon. memphis is weird! arrived here and it was scary as well but we felt like we had no other options. sleeping here tonight and pray my car will be there when i awake. seriously.

went to nashville yesterday and ran into my swiss friend jan, which was incredible and i couldn't stop saying "shut up!" went to a really amazing honky tonk bar on broadway and i love nashville. left this morning and drove to mississippi to visit graceland too, in paul mcleods house. couldn't get him to open the front door but met his neighbor who told us he was crazy and showed us some pictures of paul and his son elvis aaron presley mcleod. he also gave us something he called a minnet bullet, a lead bullet he dug up in his backyard that is from the civil war. his name was charlie. stopped at a gas station on the way out of holly sprigs, ms to pee and get some water and got asked if i wanted to drink whiskey and ride horses by a real true cowboy. then he left and called the lady working the counter ("ma") on the store phone to have her give me his number.

i feel weirdly ready to go home and like i am dragging this trip on longer than it should go, but i may just be in shock of being alone/in another persons company. running low on money and ebay is kicking my ass lately. having a rough patch, i suppose. i need to make it to michigan to see my kaitlin whom i love so much and maybe i can get to state college to hang with emily as well.

tomorrow we have to return to rescue our abandoned tent and try to convince the staff there not to charge us. not sure how that's going to work. then maybe we will see graceland (not sure about this either since it costs $26) then maybe to see sun studios or the stax museum and then back downtown to do a little shopping and maybe get some grub from a cool place we came across tonight. then back to old st. lou! wednesday i am going to do the st lou tourist stuff such as the arch and the BUDWEISER FACTORY TOUR. amanda has to work but her friend missy is going to hang with me, i think. so thats cool to have a companion in fun.

much love and please send me some good vibes. i really really need them.